I never in my life thought that I would ever say that sex sucks but it does. I have come to the conclusion that I hate sex not the act it self but the fact that it is a huge part of a relationship. I am not into sex like I used to be considering that it hurts me just about every time I do it. I love my man so much and I wish that I could give it to him every time he wants it which is a lot. I just am not in the mood for it when he is most of the time and when he wants to and I don't then I get a guilt trip.
This morning he wanted to and I told him that I am just not in the mood because I have been fighting a cold for two weeks now and I don't feel sexy and don't feel like doing it. When we do have sex most of the time it hurts so bad that I can't help him finish so then I get a guilt trip for that too. I don't know what makes me hurt because it could be a number of things. My M.S. could be doing it then there is the Endometriosis that can cause problems. My doctor does not know why I burn inside when having sex and so they can't help me.
My man has no idea how much it hurts me that I don't enjoy sex and that I can't make him happy. I am just meant to have sex when I don't want to and that is not fair. I guess that I will lose him because of this and I will just die alone. I don't know what to do. I guess I could just suck it up and do it.
I shouldn't have to suck it up. Why can't he just be understanding. Why do men have to be all about them and not about how there partner feels. Right now I am being treated with the silent treatment because I didn't want to have sex.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
+Pain Pain Go Away
It has been a long time since I actually wrote anything new because I thought no one was reading it but I can now see that there are at least some people who are looking at what I write.
Well as of late my body has been hurting on a regular basis. My body is having its own mind lately which really sucks. My legs and arms have been hurting everyday. One night I was sitting watching t.v. and my body started to hurt in my lower left arm and by the time I was done watching t.v. my whole body was hurting. It felt like I had worked out for hours that day because all my muscles had tensed up and felt like all of them were going to pull on their own.
I have been watching what I am eating and I have lost about 15lbs. I am going to start mixing in some kind of exercise routine. I hope that by doing some exercise that my body won't hurt as much.
I recently found that I have a swollen lymph node on my collar bone and so far I have had a x-ray and blood work that have turned out good but the thing that bothers me is that it is still swollen. I read that M.S. can cause lymph nodes to swell. I guess I will just have to watch it and see what happens. I wish that when something bothers you about your health that your doctor would care more.
I think all doctors care about is the money they make and not actually about the patient. There used to be doctors out there that cared about the patient more than the money and I believe I still have one doctor who cares like that and he is my Neurologist.
Well as of late my body has been hurting on a regular basis. My body is having its own mind lately which really sucks. My legs and arms have been hurting everyday. One night I was sitting watching t.v. and my body started to hurt in my lower left arm and by the time I was done watching t.v. my whole body was hurting. It felt like I had worked out for hours that day because all my muscles had tensed up and felt like all of them were going to pull on their own.
I have been watching what I am eating and I have lost about 15lbs. I am going to start mixing in some kind of exercise routine. I hope that by doing some exercise that my body won't hurt as much.
I recently found that I have a swollen lymph node on my collar bone and so far I have had a x-ray and blood work that have turned out good but the thing that bothers me is that it is still swollen. I read that M.S. can cause lymph nodes to swell. I guess I will just have to watch it and see what happens. I wish that when something bothers you about your health that your doctor would care more.
I think all doctors care about is the money they make and not actually about the patient. There used to be doctors out there that cared about the patient more than the money and I believe I still have one doctor who cares like that and he is my Neurologist.
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