So What Now 1/11/2012
Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I was told today that I have Multiple Sclerosis but that it is benign but what does that mean that I am okay for now but what about a week from now or a year now. My doctor told me that he doesn't think that I need any of the injection medications that they give M.S. patients which I am taking that as a great thing.
I was reading that my benign M.S. could become full blown aggressive and then it could stop but who knows because M.S. is unpredictable and you never know what the next day holds. If you have this disease you are supposed to live day to day and not think about what bad stuff could be in store for the future.
I am trying to process this information the best that I can and I feel like crying but what will it do for me. It won't make anything better. I always knew there was something wrong with me because my body has just bee falling apart over the last 3 years maybe more. I have had so many achs and pains over last couple years I always new something had to be wrong. I am glad to know that I am not crazy.
I got a lot of I'm sorrys today from various people that I told. I am glad that I have family and friends to lean on in a time of need. I guess that now I will just have to live day to day and not worry about what lies ahead for me.
The Day After 1/12/2012
So I woke up today thinking that yesterday didn't happen . I thought that I dreamed about it until my fiance said something about it. I was hoping I could forget that it happened but I guess it is like that big white elephant in the room it is there but you don't want to see it. I hope that with time I will just learn to live with it and I guess I already have because I have been putting up with this stuff for at least three years.
I am tired today but that is because I took so much medicines last night that it made me extra sleepy. I tried out the new meds that my doctor gave me that is suppose to help with the pain in my right hip but so far I have not had any improvement but I guess I should give it more time than just a day. The new meds the doctor gave me are supposed to help with muscle spascisity. I guess it will help to loosen the muscles.
I felt something different today . I was riding in the car and my nose started to feel like there was static in it or pins and needles how ever you want to put it. I kept rubbing my nose but nothing happened. It is still happening off and on.
Now I am with my children and we are on our way to my mom's and dad's . I can't wait to see them . I have missed them very much. My mom didn't really tell my dad to much about it just so he wouldn't worry since he already worries about my sister and I a lot. I don't want my mom and dad to worry anymore that they have to about me because my sister is going through the hardest time of her life right now. Her husband is acting like a teenager and running around like he has no cares in the world. I feel so bad that she will have to leave her house move in with my mom and dad . Then she will have to get a job and she has not worked at all except for one day. She also has to put her daughter in a new school and take care of her while working which is a hard thing to do.
I told my sister about my diagnosis and it sounded like she wanted to cry but she is emotional about everything because of dealing with the ups and downs of her life. I wish I could do more for her than what I am doing but I don't know what I can do except be here for her and support her any way I can.
Now I am going to my Mom's and I will have to sleep on a air mattress so getting up and down should be loads of fun. My right hip area has been hurting for a month now and my doctor says it is all muscle and so he is sending me to a physical therapist. I really hope that therapy will help the pain go away. I feel like a 70 year old woman because it hurts to get up and down from sitting and I would love to not hurt as bad as I do now. I am 30 years old so I should feel younger than I do.
What This Day Held Was
So today I woke up pretty well I wasn't feeling to bad. Now that the day has ended I feel like I have been hit by a truck. My hip is starting to hurt more now than it has all day and I am getting shakier by the minute. I am getting pretty tired to. It was a busy day so I am worn out. I guess it is just about time to go to bed so that I can get some rest and hope this shaking stops.
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