You know there are days where you think how can life get any worse and then it does. I was having pain in my lower abdomen for most of the month of November then all of a sudden my back starts hurting really bad on November 20th a week before Thanksgiving of all things. I end up in the e.r. on the 23rd and from then on walking,moving and sitting is just miserable.
I know I have M.S. which is crappy and I also have fibromyalgia on top of that. I have never hurt so bad in my life as I have this past month. Today I actually got dressed and did my makeup so I feel kind of good but as the day has gone on I am feeling more and more crappy.
I got the shot Lupron which is a medicine that slows the estrogen in the body and will shut down my one and only ovary to see if that is causing my pelvic pain and possibly my back pain. I guess I will have to see how it goes, so far it has been less than a week and no change yet.
I have been so depressed these last few months. I have just been feeling sorry for myself and I am stressed by the fact that I can't take care of my family the way I should. My honey has been so great but has also been hard to deal with sometimes because he wants sex and I don't .
I hope sooner than later I will be better.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Sex Sucks
I never in my life thought that I would ever say that sex sucks but it does. I have come to the conclusion that I hate sex not the act it self but the fact that it is a huge part of a relationship. I am not into sex like I used to be considering that it hurts me just about every time I do it. I love my man so much and I wish that I could give it to him every time he wants it which is a lot. I just am not in the mood for it when he is most of the time and when he wants to and I don't then I get a guilt trip.
This morning he wanted to and I told him that I am just not in the mood because I have been fighting a cold for two weeks now and I don't feel sexy and don't feel like doing it. When we do have sex most of the time it hurts so bad that I can't help him finish so then I get a guilt trip for that too. I don't know what makes me hurt because it could be a number of things. My M.S. could be doing it then there is the Endometriosis that can cause problems. My doctor does not know why I burn inside when having sex and so they can't help me.
My man has no idea how much it hurts me that I don't enjoy sex and that I can't make him happy. I am just meant to have sex when I don't want to and that is not fair. I guess that I will lose him because of this and I will just die alone. I don't know what to do. I guess I could just suck it up and do it.
I shouldn't have to suck it up. Why can't he just be understanding. Why do men have to be all about them and not about how there partner feels. Right now I am being treated with the silent treatment because I didn't want to have sex.
This morning he wanted to and I told him that I am just not in the mood because I have been fighting a cold for two weeks now and I don't feel sexy and don't feel like doing it. When we do have sex most of the time it hurts so bad that I can't help him finish so then I get a guilt trip for that too. I don't know what makes me hurt because it could be a number of things. My M.S. could be doing it then there is the Endometriosis that can cause problems. My doctor does not know why I burn inside when having sex and so they can't help me.
My man has no idea how much it hurts me that I don't enjoy sex and that I can't make him happy. I am just meant to have sex when I don't want to and that is not fair. I guess that I will lose him because of this and I will just die alone. I don't know what to do. I guess I could just suck it up and do it.
I shouldn't have to suck it up. Why can't he just be understanding. Why do men have to be all about them and not about how there partner feels. Right now I am being treated with the silent treatment because I didn't want to have sex.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
+Pain Pain Go Away
It has been a long time since I actually wrote anything new because I thought no one was reading it but I can now see that there are at least some people who are looking at what I write.
Well as of late my body has been hurting on a regular basis. My body is having its own mind lately which really sucks. My legs and arms have been hurting everyday. One night I was sitting watching t.v. and my body started to hurt in my lower left arm and by the time I was done watching t.v. my whole body was hurting. It felt like I had worked out for hours that day because all my muscles had tensed up and felt like all of them were going to pull on their own.
I have been watching what I am eating and I have lost about 15lbs. I am going to start mixing in some kind of exercise routine. I hope that by doing some exercise that my body won't hurt as much.
I recently found that I have a swollen lymph node on my collar bone and so far I have had a x-ray and blood work that have turned out good but the thing that bothers me is that it is still swollen. I read that M.S. can cause lymph nodes to swell. I guess I will just have to watch it and see what happens. I wish that when something bothers you about your health that your doctor would care more.
I think all doctors care about is the money they make and not actually about the patient. There used to be doctors out there that cared about the patient more than the money and I believe I still have one doctor who cares like that and he is my Neurologist.
Well as of late my body has been hurting on a regular basis. My body is having its own mind lately which really sucks. My legs and arms have been hurting everyday. One night I was sitting watching t.v. and my body started to hurt in my lower left arm and by the time I was done watching t.v. my whole body was hurting. It felt like I had worked out for hours that day because all my muscles had tensed up and felt like all of them were going to pull on their own.
I have been watching what I am eating and I have lost about 15lbs. I am going to start mixing in some kind of exercise routine. I hope that by doing some exercise that my body won't hurt as much.
I recently found that I have a swollen lymph node on my collar bone and so far I have had a x-ray and blood work that have turned out good but the thing that bothers me is that it is still swollen. I read that M.S. can cause lymph nodes to swell. I guess I will just have to watch it and see what happens. I wish that when something bothers you about your health that your doctor would care more.
I think all doctors care about is the money they make and not actually about the patient. There used to be doctors out there that cared about the patient more than the money and I believe I still have one doctor who cares like that and he is my Neurologist.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Do You Feel Guilty? I Do.
I write this blog thinking of all the people out there men and women a like that have illnesses that are not noticed like the flu or something like Cancer where you have to get Chemotherapy. I get tired on a daily basis and I just want to take a nap but then I feel so bad for wanting to do that when I haven't really done much to cause my fatigue but having Multiple Sclerosis causes bouts of tiredness. So as I go on day to day I have my bouts with being tired and also not feeling well. I always feel like I am saying something hurts or doesn't feel good.
I know that my hubby does not try to make me feel bad on purpose but when he makes comments about how much I sleep or says something about me not feeling good again it makes me feel bad. Being with someone who has no idea how you feel is hard because you are going through something that they have no clue about. You can say how you feel a million times over but they still won't understand how your body feels on a regular basis. He tells me to do something about my health which I know I need to do but it is so hard to figure out where I should begin. I have lost a little weight and done so by cutting out some foods and watching what I eat and how much. I wish that my hubby could understand what I feel like on a daily basis and know that I hate feeling this way but I really can't change it.
Sometimes I wish that I would run a fever or maybe throw up so that he can see that I don't just say I don't feel well. I wish I could give him more evidence of how I feel. So to any of you out there who feel like I do just know that you are not alone.
I know that my hubby does not try to make me feel bad on purpose but when he makes comments about how much I sleep or says something about me not feeling good again it makes me feel bad. Being with someone who has no idea how you feel is hard because you are going through something that they have no clue about. You can say how you feel a million times over but they still won't understand how your body feels on a regular basis. He tells me to do something about my health which I know I need to do but it is so hard to figure out where I should begin. I have lost a little weight and done so by cutting out some foods and watching what I eat and how much. I wish that my hubby could understand what I feel like on a daily basis and know that I hate feeling this way but I really can't change it.
Sometimes I wish that I would run a fever or maybe throw up so that he can see that I don't just say I don't feel well. I wish I could give him more evidence of how I feel. So to any of you out there who feel like I do just know that you are not alone.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Now I Have ........
Well a few weeks back I had a Endoscopy done to look for what could be causing me to have chest pains lets just say nothing came of that. Except for the fact that I had chest pains afterward and I had to go to the Emergency Room which is always my favorite place to waste time. When I was at the E.R. they did a CT of my chest and they didn't find anything wrong with my chest but they did accidently find that I have something on my Thyroid.
So now they found something on my Thyroid which means I had to go to my doctor and then he had to refer me for a Ultrasound of my neck. The Ultrasound shows three nodules on my Thyroid one is about half an inch and the others are real small . So now you are probably asking what does she have to go through now well now I have to have a needle put into my neck so that they can biopsy the nodule or nodules but I have to wait for a month before I can find out anything about it. Doctors don't seem to understand that when you have a lump of any kind that you want to get it checked right away because it kind of just puts your happy life on hold until you know that it is not bad..
From what I understand Thyroid Cancer is very rare and happens more in men than in women. I think there is like a 7% chance that it could be cancer so I am not horribly concerned but still it sucks having to wait so long to find out what the conclusion is to this chapter in my life.
On top of that I have to go and see my Neurologist and have a MRI to see if I have lesions on my brain from the M.S. that I have. My life is so full of doctors appointments. Sometimes I hate being me.
So now they found something on my Thyroid which means I had to go to my doctor and then he had to refer me for a Ultrasound of my neck. The Ultrasound shows three nodules on my Thyroid one is about half an inch and the others are real small . So now you are probably asking what does she have to go through now well now I have to have a needle put into my neck so that they can biopsy the nodule or nodules but I have to wait for a month before I can find out anything about it. Doctors don't seem to understand that when you have a lump of any kind that you want to get it checked right away because it kind of just puts your happy life on hold until you know that it is not bad..
From what I understand Thyroid Cancer is very rare and happens more in men than in women. I think there is like a 7% chance that it could be cancer so I am not horribly concerned but still it sucks having to wait so long to find out what the conclusion is to this chapter in my life.
On top of that I have to go and see my Neurologist and have a MRI to see if I have lesions on my brain from the M.S. that I have. My life is so full of doctors appointments. Sometimes I hate being me.
Friday, October 19, 2012
CCSVI? Can It Help?
Let me first off try to explain what CCSVI is it stands for Chronic Cerebrospinal Venous Insufficiency. CCSVI is a new procedure that researchers are investigating to see if it is possibly a helpful solution to some M.S. patients.
What happens with this is that they take a patient with Multiple Sclerosis and do imaging of their veins that are coming from the brain and if these veins are some how blocked or flowing the wrong way they will go in with a little device that goes up into the vein and expands using a small balloon that opens up the veins so that they will flow correctly.
As a result of opening the veins back up to the way they should be doctors are hoping that it will help give some relief to people with Multiple Sclerosis symptoms. So far there has been little success with the out come of the patients. There have been some relief of some symptoms in some patients but not all. This procedure is by no means a cure for Multiple Sclerosis but it might help doctors in finding a cure. For now at least if it does relieve some symptoms that would be better than nothing I guess.
What happens with this is that they take a patient with Multiple Sclerosis and do imaging of their veins that are coming from the brain and if these veins are some how blocked or flowing the wrong way they will go in with a little device that goes up into the vein and expands using a small balloon that opens up the veins so that they will flow correctly.
As a result of opening the veins back up to the way they should be doctors are hoping that it will help give some relief to people with Multiple Sclerosis symptoms. So far there has been little success with the out come of the patients. There have been some relief of some symptoms in some patients but not all. This procedure is by no means a cure for Multiple Sclerosis but it might help doctors in finding a cure. For now at least if it does relieve some symptoms that would be better than nothing I guess.
Pins and Needles
I get this feeling sometimes through out my body that feels like I am being poked by pins and needles. I know that as a part of M.S. you can have misfires in your nerves which feels like tingling or like I am being prodded by sharp instruments
Like tonight as I am using the internet my hand starts to tickle right around my knuckles and I keep thinking that oh I must have a hair on top of my hand but after several times of looking at my hand and rubbing my hand I made the conclusion that the feeling was in my hand not on top. It almost felt like a tickling sensation.
I don't know about other people with Multiple Sclerosis but I get a lot of pain in my hands and a lot of shaking of my hands. When my muscles twitch it starts to get frustrating because you want it to stop.
Like tonight as I am using the internet my hand starts to tickle right around my knuckles and I keep thinking that oh I must have a hair on top of my hand but after several times of looking at my hand and rubbing my hand I made the conclusion that the feeling was in my hand not on top. It almost felt like a tickling sensation.
I don't know about other people with Multiple Sclerosis but I get a lot of pain in my hands and a lot of shaking of my hands. When my muscles twitch it starts to get frustrating because you want it to stop.
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